The Paper Chase

I didn't have much choice when I signed up to pursue a Masters in Science degree at UPM. The university college where I am teaching in requires all lecturers to upgrade their current qualifications. It was not a step I had wanted to take but it was a necessity in order to continue teaching; and teaching is my passion. So I reluctantly look at all the courses available in all the local universities and after much thought, signed up at Universiti Putra Malaysia, a renowned research university that is also highly respected in the education of educators. So on the first week of January 2011, I found myself seated amidst educators who are also pursuing their qualifications to teach. Most of my classmates are teachers and half the class of Research Methods consists of Iranians. This class had 66 students to begin with and it is the only RM class conducted in English, so naturally the Iranians swarmed into this class. But as the semester progressed many dropped the subject. Very significantly the number fell, especially after the first exam which was a "killer". I didn't expect to be sitting for exams, because I am a thesis student, opting for thesis writing as I was informed it would be advisable to go through the strenous exercise of writing a thesis than to mug for a comprehensive exam at the end only to find my memory had failed me! Age is catching up with me. I looked around my class and realized that I could easily be one of the oldest student in class. I suspect I am older than one of my lecturers! It was quite embarassing at first as ladies my age would be planning their early retirement and here I am, still in university! However, my classmates soon put all these behind me because they were very sweet and patient with matured students like me. It is encouraging to hear them say "I salute you for taking life long learning seriously" and " I cannot imagine how you juggle a fulltime career, a family and studies at the same time". These words really encouraged me to hang on especially on days when I feel awfully tired, physically and emotionally. There wasn't a day when I wake up and ask myself "What am I doing, at my age, pursuing a Masters degree?" Every day, I face the temptation to quit as the devil spit in my face and laugh at me. I had to tell him "Get thee behind me, satan! You have no part in this!" As days go on, the devil did seem to give up on me, as I felt better about this phase of my life. I am discovering a lot of new things from my classes, unlike my BA days where I felt i was just "producing artworks" to meet the requirements of a BA certificate. Now, I am learning something new about education each time I enter a class. You see, what is most difficult for me is the fact that I do not have a formal educational background, unlike my classmates who are mostly government school teachers, having graduated from a teacher's training college. I come from an art and design background and theories of education don't ring a bell. i had to start from scratch. I questioned my supervisor why she accepted me into the program even though I have no educational background and she replied "Because people with diverse background will bring with them diversified experiences that will enrich this program". You won't hear or read much from me these days as I am struggling with assignment deadlines. This morning, at 3am, I am proud to achieve my personal objective of completing my draft for a paper presentation, totalling 30 pages. Am I not tired? If I say "no", it will be the biggest lie. i am dead tired as I need to wake up at 8am and drive to work as usual. But God is a merciful God. I managed to catch some power naps while being driven in a school bus, on the way to the art galleries at Jalan Tun Razak and KLCC. And when tomorrow comes, it's another new day, with a another new challenge. I believe "Prayer changes things" and I ask that you pray for me.